Flash forwards 3/4 of an hour and I say my goodbyes, craft a few items and head downstairs for another drink, just to be distracted by my phone buzzing in my pocket. I pick it up and hit the text button.
"hey bro do you wanto play some BlopS?"
Sure, why not - I've got a 360 gathering dust and I haven't touched the multiplayer in a few months, it'll be fun to see what's new with the game and what the community has done with the tools available to it. Console on, game located, headset on, party joined - what next... Ah, Matchmaking...
We're chatting away when the playerlist loads and are immediately interrupted by the shrill screech of an undersupervised 11-year-old on a sugarrush from hell, alternating screaming at his parents for more coke with yelling at XxXHARDSNIPSXxX who in return is doing his best to introduce the kid to homophobia a year or two early. It's been too long since I last played and I don't remember how to navigate the mute menu in time for the game to start. The general tone is immediately more aggressive - furious players blame everything but themselves for their every mistake - "QUIT HARDSCOPING FAGET", "STOP CAMPING LETS GO ONE ON ONE BITCH", "JEWJEWJEWJEWJEWJEW!" - the cacophony is overwhelming, and I retreat into the relative peace of a private chat. Still the cancer shows itself in other ways - KONY2010, has customized his emblem into a swastika, two players hide in a corner and repeatedly shoot each other to farm XP, others still spam messages demanding that everyone else tries harder - I'm losing my buzz fast and we're only on the second map. I apologize to my teammate and hit the NOPE button, leaving them to it - setting my Xbox back to mastery dust magnetry.
Both games are extremely popular with active, vocal userbases who love playing them and pour their time into the game and it's surrounding conversation - so why the difference in experiences? Unfortunately, more than any other factor the answer is anonymity - Matchmaking sets you up in games with strangers you're unlikely to see or interact with ever again, whereas playing on a regular server with a reoccurring bunch of players tends to put people on better behavior - you don't shit where you eat (or you certainly won't be invited back to that restaurant, trust me).
How do developers fix the problem? Well you could absolutely limit the interactions that players can have with each other to a set of predetermined 'safe' concepts (Like the 'chimes' that Journey's travellers make, or Dark Souls Soapstone system) which can help make unruly players fall in line with a game's style or setting, but also removes much of the potential for spontaneity and fun along with that for abuse (imagine Counter-strike with just the voice-commands enabled). Alternatively, you could completely remove anonymity, like Acti-Blizz's REALID system, which conversely has attracted real ire and outright hate from a playerbase that want to get away from real world responsibilities and worries when they play a fantasy game.
One other option is to limit anonymity while also maintaining privacy - enabling players to be 'known' for their actions amongst a regular group while still hiding behind their handles - think regular server 'shards' where you're likely to play with the same group of players every time you log on. Planetside (and most likely it's sequel) is a good example - you saw the same people often enough that players developed reputations amongst their peers - he's an ace pilot and can be trusted to provide air support, whereas he's a teamkiller and shouldn't be allowed in your tank. Private servers make this a lot easier no matter the game - notorious horrible malcontents can be quickly kicked by a united playerbase (hopefully literally too). It also gives the option for players with different goals and interests inside the game to associate with people holding similar interests too - it's not much fun to be stuck in a game full of expert players practising for tournaments when you're only there to have fun, and conversely it's horrible being pubstomped when everyone else is talking about ponies at spawn - join that 'just right' Goldilocks server instead.
Finally? Existing reporting functions go some way towards solving the problem but not all - they're abusable in and of themselves (ask anyone who's changed their name on XBL) and there's little satisfaction in clicking that 'submit' button - for every shitcock you might strike down, ten more will take it's place - and besides, you'll never heard about it. DOTA 2 goes some way towards assuaging this problem - submit an abuse report that's sucessful and you'll recieve a thank-you message informing you what happened to the ban-ee, but things could still go further. Players should be always be awarded for making games better - Valve gives out cash to players that design successful new elements of TF2 for example - so why not reward players who improve the experience by going out of their way to collect evidence as to why someone should be banned. Submit a screenshot/video of someone hacking or being overtly non-humorously racist that ends up getting them banned and get motherfucking HATS (or another appropriate reward).
Because as long as ppeople are slammed at random into a miss-matched bolus of angry anonymous people with no policing, sympathy or (let's be honest) friends... You're gonna have a bad time.
